sighmon’s Neighborhood

Frequently, I will fall madly in love with a piece of furniture that leaves even my closest friends & allies scratching their heads in confusion. Such was the case with my new desk. When I first showed it to my husband, I could tell he was skeptical, but knew better than to say so...When the glimmer is in my eye, just back away.

It was love at first glance on Craigslist for me: 

As you can see from the original photo, the desk & chair look a bit rough around the edges; the image itself was taken from inside a cramped storage locker of some sort. I knew, however, from first sight, we were destined to do great things together.

So I contacted the owner to arrange a viewing. We had several conversations over the course of a few days while attempting to fit our schedules together and I learned that the desk had belonged to his mother and he had the pity-able task of sorting out her belongings. I told him that I was a furniture maker and would take really good care of it...that I wasn't sure if I would refinish it, or leave it alone, but either way it would be loved. In a small way, I think these exchanges may have been a bit therapeutic for him, as I sensed he was perhaps a bit choked up on the other line.

I should mention, in addition to being incredibly kind, he was also extremely fair with the price ($45 for desk, chair, & mirror) and generously offered to deliver it to me for free.

So yesterday, when he showed up, it was an easy no brainer. I saw it on the truck, knew it was love, handed him the money, and brought it in the house. It was a little dirty from being in storage, but a little simple green & elbow grease was all it took to clean up nicely: 

While pulling out one of the drawers, my husband discovered hidden treasures had fallen into the back of it. I couldn't believe it - a beautiful desk AND hidden treasure! I had hit the jackpot. The best things we found: an antique bottle opener, stolen from a San Francisco hotel called The Raphael; a porcelain lid to a tiny box (this must have made her CRAZY trying to find it); an old silver swiss army knife? or nail cutter?; and best of all - a tiny gold skeleton key with a #2 on it.

Doesn't that just peak your sense of wonder & adventure like crazy???!!!! WHAT on earth does that key open and HOW will I find it?

Well, those questions may have to go unanswered. I plan to call the man today and offer him what I found...but I'm REALLY hoping he doesn't want them back, because I love them so much! I would like to keep them with the desk, either displayed behind my computer or in a shadow box on the wall. Each item has so much history and so many secrets to tell...If I am allowed to keep them, I know they will provide endless inspiration and possibly good luck while spending long hours feverishly writing at this desk.

 

When I was a desk jockey in San Francisco, I frequently changed my desktop image to something happy and tropical because I was, well - unhappy & cold. Now that I'm back in Hawaii, I wanted to put some images out into the internets, in case anyone out there is searching for warm, flowery, happy, tropical, Hawaii wallpaper:

Things are fine.
In Texas right now. Galveston Island to be exact, at the moment actually. Spending some time with my father.
Can't really find a decent internet connection anywhere.
And I hate the fact that Houston doesn't want you to walk anywhere.

The only thing I can think about right now is the fact that I was peer pressured (by Ben J.) into eating dog food. Trying it, tasting it. Not feasting on it.

It didn't really taste like anything. Just bad and bland.
Dogs should have more flavorful food, I think.

Here's a shot from the photo shoot we had for my winter 2009 look book:

As the pipe clamp blisters began to pop and heal on my hands, I knew I was in a race against myself to find my next gig in woodworking. I had just quit my job after I was put on a mandatory 72-hour work week schedule, which was neither safe nor necessary in the warehouse where I was a full time furniture maker. From my first taste of sawdust, I was hooked. I loved everything about it, especially the aches & pains associated with putting in a hard day of manual labor.

I had moved thousands of miles from my industrial Michigan factory roots, only to go to college and decide the blue collar life is what I wanted. I quit my job, only when it was obvious that it would either kill or permanently injure me...but it was still one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. Besides the fact that I love it, I realize now how wrapped up I was in the identity of being just one thing...In my working life, I have always had to have at least three side hustles going on and I've done everything from nude modeling, to being a maid, a well-paid executive assistant, an extra in movies, a make-up artist, to an apprentice sander in a woodshop.

When I call home to update my family, typically, whatever it is I describe is met with unconditional love & acceptance, even if there is a tinge of it not necessarily being understood. As a woodworker, I was finally able to align myself with an identity - one thing that I loved being and doing...and it was so much easier to explain that!

Predictably, when the job fell apart, I scrambled for any paying gig I could find on craigslist. As it turns out, it was a good time to be involved with film making and I even signed up for acting classes. Being involved in the process is as exciting as it seems like it would be - even the long hours of waiting, while being completely dressed to the nines for a 6:00 a.m. call time, shouldn't be exciting, but it still is.

Around this time I also found work as a fit model, working for a local design house. It's a job that pays very well but the work is inconsistent. Still, I am extremely thankful to have it, even if it is a bit weird for me to use it as an identifier at the dentist's office and have the receptionist squeal and ask me a bunch of questions about the job. That's a rock star moment, I'm not going to lie, but it's completely foreign to me to identify myself as "model" in any capacity...especially when "factory rat" was a closer signifier just weeks ago.

I'm not sure if all the discomfort in lacking a fixed occupation or identity squarely rests on my shoulders, or if I am reacting to other people's confusion when I try to explain, "Well, I'm actually a furniture maker, but I'm out of work, so I'm doing the acting and modeling thing, while looking for another woodworking gig." Who does that? I'm not sure if I even understand myself anymore.

In the long run, it's probably a good thing that I am so versatile & adaptable - I always have something relevent for any type of resume I'm creating for myself (and I have at least 3); but I long for the day when I have a short answer to the question, "So what do you do?" 

 

 

Today, for the first time in well over a decade, I stopped wearing my grandmothers wedding band.
It was left to me when she passed away at the ripe old age of 102.
I've always loved it, not only because of it's sentimentality, but because it's a lovely, simple, comfortable piece of jewellery.
I always thought that if I ever lost my better judgement and decided to marry some unsuspecting fool, I'd continue to wear it, [just on the other hand]
In fact, there was a time when I wore the band on my left hand, to see if people even took note of that sort of thing.
The women at the bank did...
When I departed for a six month around the world trip, they asked,
'Is your husband going with you?'
In more recent years, I have wondered, [even though I wear the band on my right hand] if people think I am married.
Apparently the Greeks and The Swedes wear their wedding bands on their right hand.
For some time I hid behind the ring, feeling it offered me some sort of protection.
Well today, after months of thought about who I am searching for in this life, I decided to cease wearing the ring.
It was a hard decision. Not only has it become part of my being, [attached to me if you will] but it has provided comfort, security, laughs, and memories.
I'm not sure what I am going to wear in its place...I don't imagine anything else, could ever fit quite so well.

Nostalgic moments since Andrea G. said she's coming to visit in January:

Andrea and I (as NAZIRECTIONS) playing in Portland at Reed College.

In retrospect, it really was just drunken noise.
Later that same night I remember falling on my face (not because I was drunk) because I jumped from the top of a staircase (because I was drunk) and waking up with a fat lip. I deserved it.

In other news, last night Ben and I were interviewed (videotaped) and photographed by these young local filmmakers wanting to talk to young designers (I think---it all happened so fast). There were all these cameras positioned around me and people looking at me while I worked. It wasn't unpleasant, just unusual.

Anyway, one of the questions they asked me was if I had any advice for someone just starting out (as if I'm not).

Well, first of all, I had all my words together and basically said that you need to have a plan and goals in mind. And that you need to stay focused and keep good records. You need to know where your money is going! OKAY.

And then I finished it off by messing up my words...
Instead of saying "you need to hang in there", I said: "You need to stick it in."
I guess I was trying to say, "You need to stick with it."
I don't know. But it keeps playing over and over in my head.
I'm not really embarrassed. I just keep thinking how dumb I was. Dumb!

In OTHER news, we shoot our look books on Sunday, which is cool.
We're both really (very) busy with getting samples ready for this AND getting holiday orders out. I leave for Texas on December 16th. So, the last day to order anything from Cubist Literature until 2010 is December 13th!

SELF PORTRAIT THURSDAY!
12.10.09

while the beds are burning ?...

I've spent a lot of time on my blog and other places online talking about Ed and Fru. I was thinking about it a while ago and I realized that I rarely ever come out and talk about just Isis, even though she's a huge part of my life. In the last year or so, she's played an even bigger role in my happiness.

When I first got Ed and Isis, I remember being disappointed about how unattached I felt with them. I wrote a blog post about it here and I got a lot of great feedback about how loving pets can take time sometimes; it's not always instantaneous. Everyone who said that was right and I'm really thankful for their help. Isis is one of those kitties that took a while to warm up to me-- much longer than Ed. And in all honesty, the wait was completely worth it.

Shawn, Beth, and I noticed that there was something a little "off" about Isis when she first came to live with us. She was terrified of everything. Even for a kitty, the horror in her eyes every time someone walked past her seemed excessive. We all watched her carefully and then came to the conclusion that she was most likely abused by one of her previous owners. As far as we knew, she had at least two previous owners, but there could have been more. The way she ran away from people and ducked her head whenever anyone would make any quick movements made me feel like she had once been struck by someone-- most likely a male since she's always had a greater fear with them. I know that not all kitties are warm and cuddly (I've been around a lot of cats in my life), but the feeling I got when I saw the fear in Isis' eyes told me something extremely bad happened to her in her past. Knowing this made me determined to help her feel comfortable in her new life.

I first started noticing a change in Isis when I took her (and Ed) to the vet for a checkup about two years ago. Ed was pretty calm, but as usual, Isis was terrified. I gently picked her up and held her the entire time she was there. It was the first memory I have of her clinging to me because she felt protected and safe in my arms. I remember how I couldn't stop smiling. Shawn even mentioned that Isis and I were having a "bonding experience." Ever since that day, I've felt a deep connection with Isis.

Since then, she's been slowly becoming more loving. I took advantage of that change and started to "work" with her more often. When she was really young, she wouldn't let anyone hold her and would claw her way out of a person's arms. (I have a scar to prove it.) I decided to take baby steps with Isis to help her understand that being held was a good thing. Every day, I would slowly pick her up and take her over to a window where we could watch the streets outside. I would talk to her in a very soft, soothing voice (very non-threatening) so she knew that I was still there with her. I figured that the movements on the steets would distract her enough so she wouldn't concentrate on the fact that I was holding her. Sure enough, Isis became used to being held by me. After a while, I was able to hold her for an infinite amount of time. In fact, I'd have to say that she now gets sad when I have to put her back on the floor after holding her.

These days, Isis is very relaxed. She's still afraid of almost all strangers (like a lot of kitties are), and most men. However, her attitude and mannerisms have changed to an enourmous extent with the people she's familiar and comfortable with. Isis no longer runs away when people are walking towards her. She doesn't duck her head quickly if people around her are moving their arms or moving objects around her. When Shawn and I walk in the door after being out for a few hours, she stays asleep in her kitty bed in the main room. If anything, she might look up at us to acknowledge our presence... but she doesn't run to a hiding place.

Whenever I'm asleep and Isis sees me curled up under my comforter and another very soft blanket I always use, she hops up on top of my stomach and falls asleep there. A few days ago, I woke up and was able to get off the couch without waking her up-- she stayed in the same spot, sleeping, for over ten hours! Most of the time, she's purring happily whever she's sleeping. And if I don't cuddle with her in the morning, which has become a routine for the two of us, she comes up to me later in the day and gives me sad mews to let me know she wants some cuddles.

Having two kitties who are so different from each other is amazing. Ed is friendly with everyone and is very sociable. Isis has grown into a kitty who chooses who to love, and if you're chosen, you feel like you are the most important person in the world. That's exactly how I feel whenever I'm with her. It was difficult for a long time for me to grasp the idea of Isis being calm and loving, but seeing her so happy every day has made her overall happiness a normality. I couldn't be more grateful for her and the fact that she's overcome whatever pain she experienced in the past. Her ability to move on and be happy has made me happy.