lost and confused in a small town_

it's 8 days till i turn 30.
i'm growing out of friends.
i'm growing out of me.
i don't fit into any groups of people for more than a month.
i've lost my way.

i'm still a young 29.
i've met lots of lovely wonderful new friends.
i'm growing into a young man.
i don't have to fit into any groups anymore.
i've found direction from within.

it's a funny old psychological battle, this thing called life.  the minute that comfort is found, desire finds a new home.  yet when you start chasing desire, you find yourself tired, sad and lonely, at the end of a one way street in sprinkling rain.  the harder you try to avoid the drops, the faster they fall.  with more and more fury, until finally you give in, point your eyes to the clouds, open your mouth, and taste your fears.

i fear my heart, and it's desire to find that one special heart to be close to for ever more.

i'm listening to nick drake's album, pink moon.  it's quite possibly the most beautiful music i've heard since i was 7, listening to my dad's folk band sing simon & garfunkel on the heated slate floor of their practice room.

nick drake is only a recent addition to my song list.  a recent addition from a new friend.  a new friend with a special glimmer in her eye, a warm strong beating heart, and a quirky off-beat mind.  thank you pippa!

it's now 12.48am.  i should be in bed.  my eyes struggle to stay focused.  i know i won't be able to sleep, but i know i'm not in any condition to be awake.

i guess i'll make some tea.
snort at the moon.
squeeze lemon in my eye.
and feel deserved of a good old fashioned cry.

goodnight lonely world.
tomorrow will be divine.
tomorrow will be divine.

si. x