(sigh)mon

aged scotch, good friends and a little music_

nobody@vox.com(sighmon) — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 10:17:35 +0930

its funny what a night of wonderful aged scotch, good friends and music can do.

as i type, i lay here in my little apartment. my warm doona wrapped firmly around me, staving off the darkness and cold of an adelaide winter.

my thoughts are consumed with loneliness tonight.

its amazing what a little heart gets used to after a night of closeness.

she stayed over last night. the beautiful girl and travel partner i've chosen to spend the next large portion of my life with.

but our bodies really aren't quite used to sleeping next to each other yet.

mine riles with desire to be entangled, hers tosses and turns with dreams as she talks to her imagination in her sleep.

the morning brings an amazing peace.

sunlight leaks through the space at the top of my curtains.

my eyes slowly open, hazy, blurred.

i see her silhouette throb with her gentle heart beat.

and then as more light steals space in our bedroom it happens.

she wriggles close to me, makes a soft squeak, and her big brown eyes freeze time.

i live for that moment.

tonight my bed is empty.

the crisp night air chilling my throat.

she's asleep in her own bed.

dreaming her own thoughts.

stirring her sheets as she talks to nobody.

i find it slightly difficult seeing so little of her during the working week.

i know its healthy to desire someone so.

i know its healthy to lead our separate lives.

but i also know the hunger of my heart.

the growing wish to be with her more.

so i think of different things.

i think of tomorrows many exhibitions that will be littering vintage clothes shops, gallery spaces & art centres.

i dream of vegetarian pizza.

of thick creamy guinness.

and the drive home, through the frost, to my beautiful little apartment.

to another weekend.

i love you.

i miss you.

xxxooo

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chasing little glimpses of dreams_

nobody@vox.com(sighmon) — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 23:19:13 +1030

dear vox,

i usually only come to you in times of need, when i have to get large mountains of blog off my back.

this time for a change i thought i'd write to you to tell you that things are starting to look rather good.

my day job is quite busily satisfying ( newint.com.au ), my night job is building very nicely ( home-slice.net ), and even my hobbies are going from strength to strength ( ex-a-sketch.com ) with three, yes 3 zines released to date.

plus, i've just been to the music festival of my life, yes, favourite EVER ( lanewayfestival.com.au ), which is quite a big call.. but if you ever get the chance to see bridezilla, then jump at the chance! their myspace doesn't come close to their live show.. but at least it gives you a taste.

and if that wasn't enough, it's fringe festival time here ( adelaidefringe.com.au ).

but what would all this fun stuff be without beautiful people inside and out to share it with? this is where my super awesome bunch of friends come in. they've been there to pick me up from my lows, and now they're here to enjoy the smiles with me. cheers peeps, you know who you are. special mention must go to a new person in my life. she's managed to make my cheeks hurt more often than not. no mean feat for a boy that smiles constantly.

so that's where i stand right now.

happy, smily, chasing little glimpses of dreams.

s. x

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hello my name is sighmon, i am everything, i am nothing_

nobody@vox.com(sighmon) — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 23:55:23 +1030

the last few months of my life have been a strange gathering of excruciatingly beautiful* moments of happiness, thoughtfulness, fear, anxiety, loss, hate, pain, desire, need, bliss, anger, fucking, love, disbelief and escape.

lets face it. i'm a pretty privileged 30 year old. i live in a country that gives me the ability to feel all of these emotions, experience them in real time, in a safe environment to explore the whole spectrum of my being. to break down, cry to the point of choking on my body's sadness.. then walk, run, escape, think and level out to a spiritual bliss.

i live in complete luxury. i have enough money for food, shelter, clothes & water. so much so that i have enough left over to offer me the false protection of monetary savings.

all this and still i have more. my world offers me the privilege of hopes and dreams and the exploration of my darkest thought. patterned in full colour for the world to see.

so in all this beauty, luxury and privilege how do i still find myself depressed in a life i am so happy with.

it's my own stupid fault. preconceptions morph to fear. scared states leave me vulnerable, and easy prey for hungry carnivores.

yes those feelings of desire and need, must, now, greed. they're the motives that fuel my fire.

i'm learning to control them.
but it takes time.
my world is a world of electronic instances, that all pass in milli measurements of time.
so my path is long, winding and seemingly endless.

thank fuck for music and friends.
escape.

right, so i think my over-tired state has produced enough babble for one night.
but you get the picture, right??

i'm confused but happy.

hugs and love to the beautiful strangers out there reading.

xoxo

* borrowed from wedding vows of my best friends wedding..

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lost and confused in a small town_

nobody@vox.com(sighmon) — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 00:52:17 +1030

it's 8 days till i turn 30.
i'm growing out of friends.
i'm growing out of me.
i don't fit into any groups of people for more than a month.
i've lost my way.

i'm still a young 29.
i've met lots of lovely wonderful new friends.
i'm growing into a young man.
i don't have to fit into any groups anymore.
i've found direction from within.

it's a funny old psychological battle, this thing called life. the minute that comfort is found, desire finds a new home. yet when you start chasing desire, you find yourself tired, sad and lonely, at the end of a one way street in sprinkling rain. the harder you try to avoid the drops, the faster they fall. with more and more fury, until finally you give in, point your eyes to the clouds, open your mouth, and taste your fears.

i fear my heart, and it's desire to find that one special heart to be close to for ever more.

i'm listening to nick drake's album, pink moon. it's quite possibly the most beautiful music i've heard since i was 7, listening to my dad's folk band sing simon & garfunkel on the heated slate floor of their practice room.

nick drake is only a recent addition to my song list. a recent addition from a new friend. a new friend with a special glimmer in her eye, a warm strong beating heart, and a quirky off-beat mind. thank you pippa!

it's now 12.48am. i should be in bed. my eyes struggle to stay focused. i know i won't be able to sleep, but i know i'm not in any condition to be awake.

i guess i'll make some tea.
snort at the moon.
squeeze lemon in my eye.
and feel deserved of a good old fashioned cry.

goodnight lonely world.
tomorrow will be divine.
tomorrow will be divine.

si. x

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